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Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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