apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
