She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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