did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
