That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
