his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
