a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
