Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize