At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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