I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize