This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
