nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
