dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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