life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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