Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
