So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
