hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
