my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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