i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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