You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
