Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
