see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I touched a dick in church today
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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