i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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