we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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