he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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