Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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