So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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