ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
