I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
