I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
