Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
