i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
