well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
