She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
