We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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