But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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