He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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