why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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