If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
