I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
