OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize