my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
