i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
