You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
