come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
