i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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