Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
