I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
