Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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