Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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