Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
