its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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