Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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