is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
