His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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