Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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