I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize