If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
