His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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