I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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