You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
