Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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