so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
