Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
