you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
