are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Your penis caused this!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
