everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
