Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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