Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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