So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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