his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
