I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
