There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
