There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize